Funny Bits, Lingua

July 21, 2008

EuroEnglish: 5 year phase plan.

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EuroEnglish I don’t know who is the author of the text below, but apart from the joke itself it offers a pretty good insight for the EuroEnglish reform issue. It’s been on the internet for quite some time already and a simple search on Google for “EuroEnglish” will most probably get you this:

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”:

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favor of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”‘s in the language is disgracful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yar, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yar, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!


Jokes apart EuroEnglish is a serious project and debates still continue. It looks funny to me and I don’t see why would somebody want to re-invent/simplify the language, but we’ll see what happens. Let’s not forget the great vowel shift between XIII-XVIIth centuries. Some believe the EuroEnglish might sound a bit like pre-1450 pronunciations.

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